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Sunday, September 28, 2008 ' 12:24 PM


Please don't runaway again...


This post is meant for someone.
It is in good heart and good will.

Dear Friend/Jiran/Sister/Good Friend...

I don't know which one to to refer you to, because you are all of the above. Do you know that seeing you being the way you are the other day, i was really shocked, afraid, i panic. Was i at fault? Did i say something wrong? Did i hurt your feelings? Did i make you cry?

I know what we talked about before you tried to hold back your tears. I saw your face changed from a smiling face to a face that is full of sadness. From where i was sitting, it looked like one of those moments where you just can't find the strength to stay strong and not let yourself cry. But you just had to. I said all those things about you, because i cared for you very much. I didn't want you to end up hurting other people's feelings or worse, getting your own feelings hurt. But i really didn't mean that you should change immediately.

Remember this one particular day, when you were all down, worried about your friends who still have not found the seriousness in them, then you don't know why, but you felt so down the whole night? Do you remember? Do you also remember that i was trying slowly to help you figure out what is disturbing your mind? I just want to be there to help you in these times when you are confused or should i say "lost". I want to help you to be able to make decissions. But i really didn't mean for you to do it immediately. I want to help you. But maybe perhaps i shouldn't.

When i saw you being the way you are then, i was scared. Its something about you i've never seen before. You didn't want to look at me and talk to me. You gave me the kind of feeling that its better that if i wasn't there at all. I just had to know what was disturbing you, because it seems like it was me. I felt that my words had offended you real bad.

Remember when i was all angry and upset, and i kept it to myself. You were the one who told me that what i did, was instead of keeping it to myself, i end up making everyone felt bad. Which is not good. You told me that i should tell you people what i feel because i treat you all like a family. Now i know what it felt like when people come to you and asked if i was alright, because that was exactly what happened, only this time around, asking me about you.

When you asked me, "Why should I worry about you?"... I felt like a knife went through my chest. Should i even get such a question? And when i chased after you, you just told me "Apa kau nak dari aku?"... It really darn pierced me. It really did. But that night, when i read something you wrote, it sure hell felt like an axe, used to chop off a part of you.

Honestly this was what i felt and the questions in my mind...Why? What happened? Was it my fault? Was it me? Why won't you look at me? Why won't you speak to me? Why did you have to run away? Where was i? Was i not needed? Was what i said wrong? Did i deserve this? ... and more...

But i understand now that you just need your space. You need your time. You need to be with those whom you really would prefer to be with. People who really knows you.

I'm very sorry for everything i said that offended you in anyway. I apologise for everything. Aku sayang persahabatan kita. A friendship that was built with nothing, and it grew into something
big. That is why i wrote what other feelings i have in my book. So that it won't have to affect our friendship. Kau dah macam kawan baik & also adik kepada aku. I'd do anything to treasure and protect this friendship of ours. I also love this professionalism we have. To see you just walk away, aku takut kau tak akan pusing balik. Aku risau. Aku dapat rasa kan kekosongan di hati 2 orang kawan bila kamu tidak hadir tanpa apa-apa kata. We respect your need for space and time. Time. We pray that through time, it will give you back the strength that you need to pick yourself up again. And through time, it will bring this friendship to greater heights.You are greatly missed, by me, by us.

When you're ready, we'll be here waiting. We'll be here for you. I can't wait to go to school with you like we always do, i can't wait to walk that route home after practices with a friend who i can joke around with, talk about things, share good and bad moments, talk about music. Shake your hand, and give you hug before you go home, a symbol of greater days of friendship to come.

You told me before, we need to be "Strong", we need to "Trust". Trust is the very key to everything. "Love" builds with "Trust". I trust that you will be ok through time. I trust that time will bring you back to us, and once again, we build this friendship better.

P/S: "Sanggup", "Sentak", "Johore Singapura", "Yakon tari"... and many more... words reminds me of a wonderful family of friends we have...

Oh... and a tribe won't be complete without its princess. Hehe.Take care o'dear friend of mine.
Will be seeing you again soon aight!

Your's Truly,
Syazni Sukarman.


Sounds of peace. Avenue of Love.







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